My plan is to write a second article- much like the one below, about Darcy- on the subject of a fascinating figure I see wandering around my neighborhood from time to time that has made his way into The Novel…
But not today.
There are days when it is really hard to write- we all know that, have experienced that- maybe we have a headache or the neighbors are playing distracting music, or a small child is climbing our leg while shrieking for us to play with them…
Ack. My tenses are fucking me up, and I’m writing this, so god only knows how well you are handling it, so I’ll stop.
The holidays are hard for me, creatively. As father and husband and friend, I had a great time. But as a writer, I sort of feel like the time is wasted. Writing at home, for me, is very difficult. Unless I get up at 4, thereby guaranteeing myself approximately 2 Sam-Free hours… so I got very little writing done over the last 2 weeks.
And now, trying to reactivate the frantic push of energy I was feeling but unable to tap into, I’m faltering and stumbling- and let’s face it, I do actually have an actual job to do some days. Tons of paperwork (someone left the company and hadn’t done their job for the last month, thusly screwing up my personal schedule), and some actual heavy lifting work this morning -which I love while it is going on, it makes my brain feel fresh and clean and my body ache in good ways. Afterwards, the endorphins drop off and I’m cold again. Cold and sitting in a concrete box with one side open to the cool air, and damn few people to interact with.
I get somewhat down from time to time, sitting here. About the writing, about being a good parent or husband or even a human being, about making any progress from being an aspiring writer to being a paid writer- oh, incidentally, I’ve figured out where I stand on the whole “Professional” vs. “Amateur” writer thing. About my birthday, which is coming up soon, and how should I celebrate that.
Ah, yes: can I just shrug this off as a seasonal malaise? The New Year; a symbolic birth. My birthday; an anniversary of an actual one. These could be piling up on my thoughts, making the whole struggle- the hard work, low pay, uncertainty and such- feel more heavy than it really is.
Well, it’ll pass. It always does. 2-FISTED is actually coming along WONDERFULLY. I’m very pleased, and very near to done. I hope from the title you don’t think it’s (just) about porn. DOGS is still an edit, a huge messy edit, and it isn’t nearly as Honest and Good a story as 2-FISTED but there is a lot to be said for it, I think, and so I’m going to keep struggling to finish editing the novel I finished whirlwind writing earlier this week a year ago- really, using NANOWRIMO was good for me, but the push to fulfill my daily quota made for an incredibly sloppy 1st novel…
The screenwriting stuff is slow, as always. I’m more comfortable with that than I once was, partially because my Partner and I are putting out some really solid work, it’s just taking a while to finish polishing- which, I know, kind of awkward in an industry that wants everything NOW NOW NOW (and then promptly ignores it for months on end), but while we’re still really just writing for Us and honing our craft, I think it’s okay- and the work we’ve been producing backs up my optimism.
Oh, on the “Professional vs. Amateur” writer debate:
I am an Aspiring Writer, since I’m not getting paid. An “Amateur” writer has nothing to do with not getting paid, rather an Amateur Writer is the person that doesn’t write- I mean they don’t write blogs, they don’t write articles, screenplays, novels, short stories- the amateur writer Doesn’t but Talks about it. The aspiring writer Does and Tries. A Professional Writer is the one who knows how to be on time, not smell like Joe Esterhaus (until they are paid like Joe Esterhaus), and how to use spell-check. A Paid Writer- well, that is the goal, isn’t it?